


children

by trashbinquinn



Category: Christian Bible, Christian Mythology - Fandom, Paradise Lost - John Milton
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Texting, Chaotic Group Chats, Everyone Is Gay, Fluff and Crack, Highschool AU, How Do I Tag, Human AU, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, If anyone reads this im sorry, Multi, My First AO3 Post, No Beta, No Plot/Plotless, Protective Older Brothers, adam and eve are siblings, also more relationships to come eventually maybe probably, and no they're not together, eve's full name is evelyn, god is an abusive dad, god why would you ask that, i asked someone if i should post this and they said yes, i don't know how to write, im goin to hell, john milton would not be happy about this, lucifer is getting bullied, lucifer plays violin, michael is a jock, michael is everyone's older brother, no proof-reading, nonbinary belial, paradise lost deserves more attention, raphael is tired, read it if you dare, so here it is, the archangels are all siblings, this entire fic is utter chaos, this horrible cursed fic, trans boy lucifer, trans girl uriel, uriel is female
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-18
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-16 22:35:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28838628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trashbinquinn/pseuds/trashbinquinn
Summary: A fic following multiple different group chats, but mostly the one Michael created to keep track of all of his smelly little kids that aren't technically his kids. idk man
Relationships: Ba'al Zvuv | Beelzebub/Satan (Paradise Lost), Michael/Adam (Paradise Lost)
Kudos: 1





	children

**Author's Note:**

> i'll probably go back and proof-read/edit this sometime, maybe-

Michael created a new group chat.

Michael renamed this group chat children. 

Michael added Lucifer, Uriel, Raphael, Adam, Evelyn, Beelzebub, Belial, and Mammon to children. 

Michael: hi

Beelzebub: lol hi 

Lucifer: mmm what is this

Michael: I need a group chat to keep track of my ✨kids✨ 

Michael: And that’s what y’all are - my smelly little children <33

Evelyn changed their nickname to Eve. 

Eve: hiii 

Eve: the only ppl i know on here are luci, mike, beel and adam (obv adams my brother lol)

Michael: Ight, when everyone sees this we can all introduce ourselves then (also don’t call me that >:(( )

Michael: Name/nickname, pronouns/gender, and anywhere we might know eachother from since we all go to the same school, does that sound good?

Eve: yea

Lucifer: mhmm 

Adam: hiiii

Mammon: Hihii, reading up RN ^^

Michael: alright, take your time! :) I’ll go first with introductions 

Mammon: 👍👍

Michael: I’m Michael (hopefully you all know me already lmao) I’m male & go by he/him, and you might know me from the student board, the wrestling team, the track team, the baseball team or the football team 

Lucifer: im lucifer, im a scary scary junior student. yea. Uhmm im FTM and i go by he/they :pp u might kno me from orchestra, choir, the colorguard or the school musicals, but im also on the track team wif michael since every1 in our familys required 2 do 1 sport >:ppp

Eve: hi im evelyn but i go by eve, im a cisgender girl n i use she/her,, and u might know me from the colorguard, the math team or the school orchestra (Luci’s first chair violin, i’m second chair violin, that’s how we met >:DDD )

Adam: adam, cis male/he/him/himself but i wouldnt mind they/them/themself, uhmm,, im in a lot of art classes, and also Uriel I think we might’ve been in the same visual arts class last year !!

Uriel: ooo cool,, reading up, one sec

Adam: ^~^ 

Raphael: I am Raphael, I’m Luci and Michael’s (slightly) younger brother, I go by he/him but I’m a demiboy, and I’m part of the math team with Eve. I’m not exactly sure where else you’d know me from. I’m also in class currently so I probably won’t be responding to many messages

Beelzebub: Im Beelzebub but you can call me Beel or Bee, im a cis guy and use he/they, uhm, Im in the debate club and ive been in the spelling bee a couple times so maybe youll know me from there?? qwq 

Lucifer: This is by far the cutest intro so far ^ 

Beelzebub: -////-

Lucifer: that is by far the cutest person to ever exist sending that message ^ 

Michael: Are you two together or what??? -.-

Lucifer: shhhhh nunya >:(((

Michael: Jeez fine don’t tell me 🙄 I’ll make my own assumptions

Uriel: 👀🍵

Mammon: lol

Mammon: im mammon, she/her, uhm idk where youd know me from since i don’t really do many school-related extracurriculars… i was on stage crew freshman year, and i do volleyball but not for the school ?? LMAO

Uriel: I’m Uriel, im a trans girl and I go by she/her, you might’ve seen me at the science fair if any of you guys go to that (lmfao), I’m also Lucifer and Michael’s lil sister 🤪🤪🤪 Um i think i know all of you somewhat already so yeh 

Lucifer: so i think the only intro we’re missing is belials,, bc hes a good boi n doesnt text in class 

Lucifer: class ends in like 5 mins tho 

Beelzebub: yusss last period of the day! 

Beelzebub: luci should really come to debate club with me - he’s really fuckin good at debates 👀👀👀

Lucifer: i would, im just really busy with track, the musical, choir, colorguard and being the MOST AMAZING FUCKING CONCERTMASTER YET TO GRACE THIS EARTH

Beelzebub: damn how do you do all of that? 👀

Uriel: lmfao he doesn’t, he tends to skip track, and as for all that music stuff, he’s for some reason really effortlessly good at that and we all hate him for it. 

Lucifer i make rounds spendin time at musical practice, then runnin to colorguard before practice ends and switchin between the 2 all night xp choir n orchestra are during the school day so that parts easy. i do have special special concertmaster hmwk tho

Beelzebub: its amazing how you can do all of that and still have time for lowly townsfolk like me 😔😔

Lucifer: i’d always have time for you <333

Beelzebub: <333

Michael: aHem 

Adam: how is nobody talking about micha being on 4 different sports teams, being the star of pretty much aLL of them at the same time, and ALSO juggling the student board and having lucifer as little brother

Lucifer: teehee 🤭

Michael: I manage. 

Michael: Also Lucifer you better not be skipping again, though I have the feeling you are

Lucifer: im not skipping, im standing completely still 🤭🤭

Michael: I don’t understand how you do this constantly and this manage to not fail every single class. 

Lucifer: im failing science

Uriel: i would help with that but idrc 🤩🤩🤩🤪🤪🤪 

Lucifer: >:P u have no empathy

Lucifer: o also im failing pe bc i “dOnT pArTiCiPaTe”

Michael: You don’t…

Michael: I don’t understand what your problem is with PE, it’s pretty fun to me

Lucifer: pffff ud say that 🙄

Lucifer: smelly jock 🤢🤢🤢 TAKE A SHOWER!!!!!!!!!!!! 🙄🙏

Michael: you’re acting like you do when you’re scared of somethin

Michael: Are you getting bullied???

Lucifer: 🖕🖕

Michael: I’m literally trying to help you.

Lucifer: ..sorry 

Michael: its fine. I just want to make sure you’re ok

Lucifer: imma b fine. Just rlly hate pe

Michael: mmmkay, if you say so…

-

One Big Happy Family 🤗 

God the Father: will be late home today

Lucifer: why would you even tell us that.

Lucifer: you’re home late every fucking day

God the Father: Wow, well, I’m so sorry for letting you know just this one time. The reason I come home so fucking late all the time is because of the entitled little brats like you I have to come home to. 

God the Father: I’ve got a much better son with my second family anyway

Lucifer: excuse me wtf

Lucifer: ?????????????????

Michael: You have a second family?

God the Father: obviously

God the Father: what did you think i was out doing.

Lucifer: getting hammered like you do when you’re at home

Lucifer: obviously

Michael: Let’s just stop fighting please

Michael: It’s just kind of a shock that you have a second family you never told us about, dad

God the Father: I’m not required to tell you shit. You’re the children. 

Michael: I know, I wasn’t complaining, I’m sorry

God the Father: You had better be. You’ll both be punished when I get home

God the Father: It’s not so much a second family as a son from a second family i don’t talk to anymore. He’s much better than any of you will ever be

Lucifer: ok wtf

Lucifer: im so confused. What are you doing out

God the Father: I just told you you stupid piece of shit, spending time with my second family.

Lucifer: ?????

God the Father: I can’t believe I gave birth to such a useless, incompetent daughter! I told you what, 20 times already? Forget it. I’m done wasting time on you - expect to see me home sometime. You’ll both be punished. 

-


End file.
